Thursday, August 19, 2010

Paying it forward

Lately I have really been thinking about the concept of "pay it forward". It started when I went to eat at Ingrediant (mediocre BTW) and they asked that you not tip. Instead, they ask that you hold the door for someone, pet a dog, etc. That got me thinking about our sense of compensation as a society.

When someone buys me lunch, I feel obligated to pay the next time we go to lunch. When my neighbors let me have an egg so I can bake cupcakes (because I inevitably need something when I get the urge to bake) I always bring them some afterwards. I keep mental note of the things people do for me so that I can pay them back at some point. But what if instead of paying them back, I paid it forward? What if I donate Cash's swing (that he NEVER used) to his daycare instead of posting it on Craigslist? Or give my maternity clothes to one of my residents who just found out she is pregnant? What if I helped out someone else, someone who really needed it?

Would the person who bought me lunch feel snubbed? It would be rude of me to not do something to thank my neighbors for helping me out in a pinch. Should I pay it back AND forward? And can't we do things for people without there being some sort of scoreboard to see who is the nicer person?

Friday, July 16, 2010

Birth Story

The night before, we read over the birth chapter of "What To Expect When You're Expecting". We talked about what would happen, and skipped over the csection part since we wouldn't be needing that. I have had two kids before, and my labors were 8 hours and 4 hours each. I was totally prepared to walk in, push out a baby, and leave!

So we woke up bright and early on Tuesday, March 9th. I hadn't slept much the night before, kind of like waiting for Christmas. So when the alarm went off at 5am, I was ready to go! Bags were packed, kids were at grandma's, we headed off to North Kansas City Hospital.

When we arrived, they asked what I was there for at the front desk. I told them "Baby extraction" :) and we headed up to the 7th floor. The nurses started the IV, asked all the questions, and turned on the pitocin. So we waited. and waited. and waited. My sister showed up, and so did my mother in law and sister in law. We watched old Seinfeld and Arrested Development episodes. A few hours later, they checked me. 100% effaced, 2 cm, -3 station. More waiting. And waiting. And waiting. I walked, I bounced on the birthing ball, I ate popsicles (not to help with labor, just cause I wanted to) and they cranked the pitocin. They checked me again around 5pm. 100% effaced, 3 cm, -3 station. They told me my options were to keep going, go home and come back in the am, or stay the night and try again in the am. Since I had not eaten for almost 20 hours and I was exhausted, I opted to turn off the pit, eat something, stay the night at the hospital, and try again the next morning. I was very disappointed, since we were hoping to meet our little boy that day! But hunger won over disappointment, and I got to eat delicious hospital food! I love hospital food!

March 10th, 2010. Day two, 6am: Second verse, same as the first! Started an IV, cranked the pit, waited. By 10am, there was virtually no change so they attempted to break my water. That did not work, but about 20 minutes I felt the familiar warm sensation like I was peeing and couldn't stop, and I knew my water had broken. I was excited! Once your water breaks, birth is emminent! My nurse, Lesa, was just awesome. She piled the pillows up in the bed so perfectly, I wanted to bring her home! She cheered me on, supported me, and was VERY experienced and knowledgable. I loved her!

The contractions started in pretty bad, but I was managing. We watched more Seinfeld, and I continued to have major contractions every 3 minutes. Around 4:30, they checked me and I was like 4-5cm and still -2!!! He was NOT dropping! They decided to do an epidural, with the hopes that if I relaxed he would come out, and also to prepare for the dreaded "C" Word. They didn't want me to go too long with my water broken, and I was terrified of him having a bowel movement inside of me. My friend Jen's baby had inhaled meconium, and had a rough few weeks at first. Natural childbirth was not worth the risk to my baby's health.

The epidural was weird. It made my leg feel like I had lightning bolts in it! But then it took affect, and it was AMAZING! I wondered why I hadn't had one with my other two kids! What was I thinking???

When they came to check me around 6pm, I was only dilated to a 6, and he really hadn't dropped much. It was time to make the decision. After 2 days of pitocin induced labor, we needed to get the baby out. We started to prep for a c-section.
Josh got dressed up in his blue scrubs, and they prepped the OR. I was a little nervous, I was having major surgery. Plus, this was my biggest fear! I was not prepared! We didn't read the chapter!

They wheeled me into the OR, and started pumping me full of whatever the use to numb you. They tilted the bed right and left and back, and I could feel waves of numbness. Finally I was the appropriate amount of not feeling anything, and they brought Josh in and began. I felt pulling, pushing, pressure from beyond the blue curtain for what felt like forever, and finally, I heard the doctor say, "We have one cheek out! What fat cheeks!", then suctioning, and at last, my baby boy's first cries. 7:47pm. I could feel tears streaming down my face, and I told Josh to go with the baby and leave me. For what seemed like an eternity, I listened to them doing there things, and I wondered and wondered what he looked like.

"8 pounds, 6 ounces!" they called out.
That's big! I thought.
"20.5 inches long!"
That's good, right?
"14 and 3/4 inch head!"
HOLY CRAP! No wonder he wouldn't come out!!!

And finally, they brought him to me. Cash Aubrey Banks Mann. All bundled up in his blanket, with the little white hat. I couldn't hold him because my arms were strapped down, but Josh brought him up to my face and I kissed him and said hello. He was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Well, at least in a three way tie :)

The rest was a blur, them sewing me back up, tyin tubes, and wheeling me into recovery. I got the shakes really bad, and that sucked, and I was SO thirsty. They let me have ice chips here and there when I was good and wiggled my toes. Cash stayed in his isolet next to me, and they gave him to me to nurse. He nursed for like 40 minutes! I just kept looking at him and kissing him and telling him I loved it him. It was wonderful.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Last Day

Well, Little Cash is 6 days late today. I have been hoping every day that "today would be the day", but alas, nothing. I am scheduled for induction tomorrow at 5am. I am a little sad, because we won't get to have that "OMG its time!" moment. I feel like my cervix is failing me by not dilating, and I'm nervous about bringing home a baby!

So today is officially my last day of being pregnant. I didn't think I would be sad since I have been so miserable this whole pregnancy, but I actually am a little. Not enough to do it again, or even cancel the induction, but enough that I am going to try to stop and smell the flowers (or donuts) today.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010


Well, today is the official due date. I swear everyone is looking at me like something magical is supposed to happen. A unicorn will appear, and declare it to be Cash's birthday, and then fireworks will come out of my vagina, and a dozen leprechauns will carry the dear child out on a bed of diamonds while fairies hand out ambrosia to everyone.

Or, I will sit here in misery from the heartburn and pee 1,289 times until my doctor's appointment at 4pm, where she will tell me my cervix is still closed up tighter than a clam and the baby is still not engaged and maybe we should look into induction next week.

Nothing magical about that.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Can you be addicted to Tums?

I was throwing out yet another empty bottle of Tums this morning, and I looked in the (overflowing) trashcan. I noticed that it was the THIRD bottle in the trash. So either I haven't taken the trash in our bedroom out in a really long time, or I have a problem.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Change for Cash

So, I'm not sure if this is because I am a) crazy b) extremely pregnant or c)totally justified, but I have been changing my mind A LOT lately.

The first thing was about the baby's name. For some reason, I thought about the name Archer, and I fell in love with it. Archer Mann. Holy shit, that's a cool name! I asked Josh, and he agreed it was a pretty friggin cool name. Aw crap! I've been calling this kid Cash, and now I might change my mind with a week to go???

Then I changed my mind about when I want to have him. (*sounds of God laughing that I think I have any say in the matter*) A week ago, I was ready to have him. Get him out, anyway possible. I was taking black cohosh, bouncing on a birth ball, begging Josh for sex, whatever it would take to evict the 7 pound parasite that was making it next to impossible for me to climb a flight of stairs without wheezing like an asthmatic. Now I want him to stay in until March! I don't want a February baby! And I keep postponing it, like March 1st would be ok, but the 3rd would be even better, or the 4th, and the 5th is ideal. I'm actually hoping to go over my due date. WTH is wrong with me?

I have been waivering on all of my decisions. Should I really use cloth diapers? Am I sure I don't want an epidural? Do I cut my hair or grow it out? Should I watch HGTV or Food Network?

Maybe I am just getting overwhelmed at the thought of having another child. I am sure this is totally normal and most pregnant women experience it to some extent. But we have to remember that I am, admittedly, crazy. My mind is always racing right now. Everytime I go to the bathroom, I wait for my water to break. And I have mixed emotions when it doesn't "Whew! Thank God it didn't break!" and "Dammit! When is it going to break???"

Wednesday, February 17, 2010


Had my 38 week check up today, and the baby is "not engaged". He apparently is not interested in what is going on out here in the real world, or he is not committed. Either way, it means I'm probably going to be fat, miserable and bitchy for at least 2 more weeks.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Oh shit...

Last night I started having some more painful contractions. They were irregular, but more painful than Braxton Hicks contractions. I blame myself, since I have been doing pelvic exercises on a birth ball and chasing evening primrose oil with red raspberry tea, laced with black cohosh. Josh was his usual disinterested self at first, but as I started making more, "Ow ow ow ow" sounds, he became slightly concerned and asked if we needed to go to the hospital.

I think that was the exact moment that it finally sank it that I was GOING TO HAVE A BABY. Not someday, not eventually, not some far off intangible time, but REALLY FUCKING SOON!!! I was going to have to go to the hospital, go through hours of unbearable pain, shove a bloody screaming mess of a human out of my vagina, and then take it home and turn it into a responsible member of society.


I'm not ready for this. I mean, yes the nursery is all complete and waiting for a tiny child to make it usable, the car seat is installed, all of the bottles are washed and put away, and everything at work is ready for me to go on maternity leave. But I am not ready. I just got my shit together! Now it's going to be all...untogether, for a good 3 years!!! WTF HAVE I DONE?!?

So ya know what I did? I didn't color my hair. I was going to color my hair last night as the final preparation for birth. It's all I really have left to do, and I figured the little shit was waiting on that to make his grand entrance. So I didn;t do it. As long as I don't color my hair, he can't come out, right?

This makes sense in my pregnant brain.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

This baby is going to be born in prison...

...because I am close to killing someone.

It may be one of the dozens of people who approach me daily and ask the same 5 questions about my baby. Cause of death: In Wal-Mart, with a shopping cart.

It may be my husband, who does not seem to understand that I am a) hormonal and b) exhausted. I am not interested in having an argument over whether or not to have stuffing for dinner. In the study, beaten to death with the XBox he plays incessantly.

Could be my employees, who's brains seem to have fallen right out of their heads and they have forgotten how to do EVERYTHING. So of course, I have to do it, along with all of my crap, while I am a miserable 9 months pregnant. In my office, with a stapler.

Could be my OB, for telling me that I am 36 weeks, not dilated, not effaced, baby's head is high, and he is still posterior. Technically, not the OB's fault, but someone has to pay the price.

No one is safe...

*DISCLAIMER* This is a joke. I am just extremely irritable, and the next 4 weeks are going to be LOOOOONG!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Cash's Room!

So this is now officially our favorite room in the house! Sometimes we just sit in there and talk!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Ready Freddy

I am 35 weeks today, but I feel like I'm 40 weeks! I'm ready to meet this little guy! We have had our shower, which was wonderful, and his room is all ready. Everything is bought, washed, painted, installed, and waiting. I am exhausted, can't breathe, my shoes don't fit anymore, and I am just plain ready! I know that he is still probably not ready for at least a couple weeks though.

I started drinking red raspberry leaf tea, and taking evening primrose oil. This is one of those crazy myths that supposedly helps soften your cervix in preparation for birth. We shall see.