The longest 3 months of my life

I'm 12 weeks! Supposedly I can relax and not worry now. That is probably easier to do when you are not completely insane (please reference the title of the blog). I had a mini freak out yesterday and raced home to my doppler. It took me 10 minutes to find the little bugger. The whole time, awful thoughts raced through my head. When did I become so paranoid?

I babysat my 4-year-old niece last night. This sweet little only child is a home-schooled vegan adopted from Guatemala and being raised by her lesbian mommies. She has one mom who is a doctor, and one mom who stays at home with her. She is not...spoiled...but she is definitely used to being the center of the universe.

Watching her made me freak out about having another child. I am used to my Thursday nights spent with my 10-year-old, relaxing and eating Bacon Cheeseburger pizza while watching old Seinfeld or Arrested Development episodes, NOT eating Boca chicken fingers and watching Backyardigans. I like my Thursday nights, I like my alone time. I won't have anymore of those things come March.

My niece also has no sense of urgency, as my sister generally does not have a need to be anywhere at any specific time. Going anywhere with this child was an act of Congress. She insisted on doing everything herself, which took 10 minutes for each activity as simple as getting out of the car. She walked at a snail's pace, and stopped every 3 feet to look at something on the ground, in the sky, on display, etc. When I politely requested that she put a little hustle into it, she asked "Whyyyyyy?"

The little darling has a problem with anyone as an authority figure who is not her mommy or mama. As we checked out of the store, she spotted some gummy worms. She said she wanted them, and I said "Not today". She looked at me firmly and said, "My mommy lets me have them!", to which I replied sweetly, "Well I'm not your mommy." Still insistent on those gummy worms, my niece yells out "That's not fair!"

I turned to her (while the cashier watched with a slight smile on her lips) and snapped, "Yeah, well the fair only comes to town once a year, kiddo."

That shut her up.

I am hoping my lack of patience has more to do with my hormones than with my disinterest in starting over as a parent.